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Dark Night of the Soul : in the eye of the storm

I have been wanting to write this for a while and whenever I have searched for other people’s experiences on Youtube, I have always found that they had been through the Dark night of the soul but had eventually overcome it.

Well, I am in the middle of it.

What is the Dark night of the soul?

The Dark night of the soul is that moment of realization that everything you believed to be your reality is not reality anymore. Life doesn’t make sense as it did before. Things you used to enjoy are not enjoyable anymore, people you used to have a relationship of some kind with, suddenly seem to be strangers living lives that now seem a vulgar and tasteless play somebody else has scripted for them.

That moment of realization hits like an arrow in your heart and, in my case, you get what’s labelled as a panic attack with shortness of breath, palpitations and extreme anxiety.

Social Mask

Where does the phrase the dark night of the soul come from?

Funnily enough it has been traced back to the 16th century where it appears in a Spanish mystic poem: La noche oscura del Alma, which is the exact translation of Dark night of the soul. San Juan de la Cruz was a Roman catholic mystic and at the time the expression referred to an individual’s spiritual crisis on the way to reunite with God.

This, as you will find out if you keep reading, totally makes sense because what happens is that you no longer identify with your “Ego” and what it represents, essentially, who you are.

Or, in a more strictly correct statement, who YOU THINK you are but now you know that you are divine energy, that you are all there is, oneness…you are beyond this body and all the labels people and yourself have been putting on you  through out what’s been your life so far.

Our birth is also a Dark Night of the soul for us in a way, in the sense that, what we believe to be the truth and our reality, essentially, a dark liquid environment where all our needs are met suddenly becomes hostile when waters break and reality changes, you’re no longer floating in amniotic liquid but just need to get outta there. 

The moment you get out through the birth canal, that very moment, your conditioning coming from parents and relatives and later indoctrination by the institutions begins.

So we go from pure consciousness before we are born to gradual unconsciousness by letting our subconscious mind drive our lives.

How does it happen?

What the “Dark night of the soul” does is to revert all that conditioning by raising awareness and making conscious the unconscious.

It is different for every person and some people will never experience it at all. I have heard that you can also experience it more than once but for me this is the first time.

One of the most common ways of awakening is when something really big happens in your life,  a shock, usually negative, the death of a beloved one, an accident, an illness and stuff like this but it is not always the case and for some people, I include myself here, it just happens when you’re absolutely fed up of being fed up, when you notice that you are in a hamster wheel and that if you don’t jump, you rather not live anymore that way.

All this is at an individual level, what’s happened in the last two years in the world is the equivalent to a collective shock and trauma and, fortunately, has awaken many people who has seen how things really work in this society and how, if you’re not in awareness, your life is just directed by someone else, not yourself.

So it can be very different for different people as I say however there is one common trait…it hurts, very much.

How did it happen to me

A few months ago I was listening to a video of Dolores Cannon in which she talked about star seeds, about the three waves of volunteer souls that had come to earth to help with the ascension of the planet. 

Dolores Cannon and the Three waves of volunteers

This woman, who died in October 2014, dedicated her life to doing regression therapy or hypnotherapy, she patented a Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique® (QHHT®) and wrote several books with experiences from her sessions and channellings. Truly fascinating. 

In this video she was explaining how after the Second World War and the launch of the nuclear bombs, our celestial protectors (call it God, Source, Universe, Light, Energy, quantum field, Higher Self, etc.) decided to intervene, but as it is universal law did not alter free will, they could not intervene from outside, so it was decided to intervene from within by sending volunteer souls to ‘fix’ the chaotic world that humanity had gotten into.

According to Dolores, these three waves are made up of beings with certain characteristics, some of these are the feeling that you are connected to something higher, outside of this reality, not having any doubts about the existence of a higher power, feeling that you have a purpose of life that is connected to helping others to make them realize who they are, their potential, their light, the existence of their soul because they do not remember who they are.

Wave of volunteers

When she started talking about the characteristics of each wave of volunteers, she said one thing that made me shudder.

I had been feeling like E.T. the Extraterrestrial for a while at this point during 2020 and the only thing I wanted and repeated to myself is: I want to go home, I don’t want to be here, I don’t belong here, I don’t fit in, please take me home.

And it was literally like that and there, at that moment in which Dolores said that the first wave had had the hardest test to pass and that most of them did not feel well on earth and wanted to go home … I collapsed, I felt like I was short of breath, I was literally suffocating and the tears flowed uncontrollably.

It was the first panic attack of my life (I had to look it up later to see what that was), I can’t explain in words what I felt, but somehow I knew that I was part of that wave, at that moment, in which It had already been enough months of darkness and personal crisis and of looking at reality with my new eyes awake and sore, I knew that my mission was certainly to help the awakening of humanity, to help my brothers to see beyond the diabolic mesh that surrounds us and keeps us feeling powerless in an invisible prison.

How do you go through the Dark Night of the soul

I have been there since early 2021 and the only way thought it seems to be surrendering and accepting it and, the most important part, with inner work and self-discovery.

It feels powerful at times knowing you are now aware of what’s going on and who you really are but, unfortunately, people don’t wake up in family units so it gets really difficult to witness that your loved ones are following a script that they haven’t written and are plodding along through life actually believing everything they are told as long as it comes from ‘experts’ and authoritative bodies.

And I am not only talking about the last 2 years … no… I mean always.

Dark Night of the Soul

We are not taught at school how to know ourselves deeply so we can live a fulfilled life or how to manage our emotions and the impact they have on our physical body, or how to control our mind instead of the mind controlling us… no, that is not the knowledge we receive,

we’re just thrown out there like robots and are evaluated with the same standards based on exams that somebody has decided are good to determine whether you’ll be successful or not in life.

When most of us know now that academic results don’t determine anything, other than getting a well paid job and work like a slave for the rest of your life or, if you are lucky, until you retire.

It hurts to see how people you love are blind to what reality really is and that beyond what we can touch, see, hear…there is much more and that, not only is even more important but also determines how our reality is.

What is it in terms of spiritual growth

Before the spiritual awakening occurs and you discover your Divine Self and oneness, you go through life with a social mask called the “Ego” which is a separated entity and is there to accomplish things, often material or such as status, self indulgence, instant gratification…and it is willing to do whatever it takes to get what he wants.

At some point in the Awakening process, you learn to identify and be able to separate the “Ego” from your true Self.

Some people talk about dissolving the Ego but I tend to see it more like the awareness of it and the ability to manage it. It can be useful in certain situations in life, let’s not forget we live in the world we live in and not having one could present ourselves with real struggles in some situations.

Ideally, you want to take control over it and ‘use’ it when it is convenient.

When this process begins is when you realize that the things your “Ego” wanted and valued are not important for you anymore, it was mostly an accumulation of other people’s ideas that you took as the truth and now you can see that truth is not such a thing. 

Why is it important to get support in this process

When you are going through this process that can last a long time, it is very important to share it with people who have already been there before you and now are on the other side, having found the light you are so desperate to find.

The spiritual work never ends and once you are aware of your “Ego” and are able to control it, you’ll find it easier each time. 

Awakening hurts and it is only the beginning of your inner work. It will take years to fully integrate the process and there’ll be very dark periods of exhaustion and overwhelming nothingness, a truly emotional roller coaster.

Since you spent your whole life thinking you were your “Ego”, this can make you feel like you are dissolving! Hence, the dark days/nights or feelings that you are psychotically disintegrating.

You are in a new reality now and depending how far your “Ego” went and how much you believed in the reality he constructed, that’s how long and hard your awakening process will be. Of course it is different for different people and it can even be smooth for some in some cases but, at the least, you’ll feel disoriented and lost for a while and, at the worst, you’ll feel like you are losing your mind and even go into a depression.


So from my direct real current experience where, in fact, I feel like in the eye of the storm, I can say, if this is happening to you, trust your instincts, embrace the process by first, understand it, get support if you need it, and simply keep letting go, minute-by-minute, day-by day. Let go of the pain, the sadness, the fear of both death and life. 

Don’t dwell on what is happening to you, let go of control, let go of not letting go and trust the process. It is a good thing and will take you to a better place, always.